Acceptance

A year ago today I was three short weeks away from graduating college and embarking on this crazy journey known as adulthood. I was damned and determined to stay in the Midwest; I was convinced that, that was where I was suppose to be, that's where I was going to be most successful, that's where I was going to be happy. Well as many of you know, or for those of you who don't, that's not quite how things worked out. 

I did stay in the Midwest for a short few months after graduation (Wreck 'em Tech!) but it turned out to be shy of what I had planned for it to be. Things just didn't work out how I thought they should and frankly I wasn't happy, I was struggling in so many ways. I was struggling with acceptance. I couldn't bring myself to accept the fact that my plan was failing...big time. Through those few months of struggle I had to swallow my pride and begin to accept that God's plan for me didn't align with that plan I had made for me. And holy guacamole y'all, that's a hard one to swallow, a horse pill of a reality check if you will.

When the opportunity to come back to California arose, I was frozen (no I don't want to build a snowman), I couldn't accept that this was really the way God was planning to help me out of this rut I had found myself in. And by rut I basically mean ditch that the pickup is stuck in, buried to the frame and the only way out is to call for help and tell them to bring a big chain. You see in my mind, coming home to California felt like giving up; giving up on this dream I had started to live in the Midwest. I felt like if I came back to California I was failing, I wasn't strong enough to stand on my own two feet, and the people that had doubted me when I left for Texas four years prior were "winning". I know you probably think this sounds crazy but I'm serious, this is literally how I felt.

I accepted the offer for the new job back in California on my way back to the Midwest after my interview where the next day I gave my two weeks notice. {I've never been so nervous in my life by the way} After my last day's work I jumped in my loaded pickup and Dad followed in the rental car to Denver. Then the race was on. I had about two weeks to find a place to live, buy a new vehicle, and move all before I started my new job. Oh and did I mention that two week period started by racing from Denver, CO to northern CA to be a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding?? (It was a BLAST by the way!) Despite this hectic and stressful period I began to work on acceptance. Acceptance of a new journey even if I hadn't quite designed it this way. I had to accept trading in my old pickup for a little car (sounds silly I know but it was a hard adjustment for a ranch girl lol). And acceptance of what at the time felt like a failure.

Fast forward about 8 months and here I am living this super successful and beyond blessed life. I have accepted God's plan for me was *imagine this* way better than my own, and man what an incredible feeling it is to know you are where you're suppose to be! It is seriously so cool! Now having said that, it's really bittersweet too. Over these past few weeks I've began to start working on accepting that I may never make it back to live in Texas, Oklahoma, or Kansas again. And man that stings, it makes my eyes swell up with tears and makes my heart cringe because I'm still so in love with the life I lived out there. Like I said, working on accepting...not there yet. But I have to be honest with myself...if I were to pack up and move back to west Texas or the panhandle tomorrow it wouldn't be like it was even one short year ago. College is over...people move, crowds change, my favorite bartender doesn't work the same shift, the people across the street aren't there anymore, and so on and so forth. And when I stop and look around at the life that the Lord has allowed me to create and live out here in California filled with so many incredible people, I can't help but fall in love with it too; to want to accept this amazing gift He has given to me.

I live an incredible blessed life to say the very least. But acceptance of this life with the pull of heart strings, and hurdles thrown my way (I never ran track so hurdles scare the crap out of me) isn't easy. It's a process, sometimes a quick one, but more times than not, at least for me it's a slow, slow process. But thankfully our God is so gracious and patient with us. He never gives up on us...ever. So if you're struggling with acceptance, I want you to know you're not alone. I'm a very happy person but I struggle just as much if not more than you. I encourage you to consciously embrace the place God has put you in, daily. Accept that His plan is greater, that He is greater. And if you're ever feeling lost or alone, know that I'm right there with ya. You know they say even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then. ;)