You Can Never Have Too Much Happy

In case anyone was wondering, it is in fact possible to be both sassy and sweet. 

So I'm just going to come right out and say it: I'm horrible at taking my own advice. I've had friends, family, and even somewhat strangers tell me I'm "wise beyond my years", I have "so much maturity" about me, I "give the best advice". Now I don't, have never, and will never (just for the record) claim to know it all. But I do think I am usually pretty good at being able to look at a situation from the outside in and if asked, give my opinion and/or solid advice on the situation just based on what I observe. Sometimes it takes a different perspective on a situation to make the best decision. Watching my best friends fall in love with the person God has set aside for them has always made my heart so happy. But I also know what they went through to get where they are now. I  have wiped tears, composed texts, rehearsed phone calls and encouraged them to keep on fighting to forgive and choose one another after any little hiccup in the relationship because from the outside looking in, it was apparent it would be worth the hard work to make things work between the two of them. I've also been there when it wasn't just a hiccup, but the whole dang bridge collapsed. I was one of the ones to tell my best friend I thought she should walk away from the man she thought was her forever. HOLY HEARTBREAK. I think I wiped more of my own tears than even her's through all that, even though I've never admitted it, until now.

I take my best friend's happiness very seriously and straight to the heart. I'll always choose them because despite my many downfalls they continue to choose me, continue to pick me back up, dust me off, and encourage me to never give up. "You can never have too much happy." -Unknown. This is something I want more than anything for all of my friends. And quite frankly I want it too. I want to live an overly joyful, glass spilling over with happiness kind of life. And overall, I do live a happy life; to say I am blessed is an understatement. But even the happiest people get a little down sometimes, get a little lonely sometimes, get a little tired sometimes. (If you haven't already gathered, we are talking about me now.) I'm a firm believer that you shouldn't let someone else hold all your happiness in their hands, you've got to love yourself before you can let someone else love you (thanks Pinterest). Having said that, I do think it's okay to allow someone else to hold some of your happiness in their hands, or maybe a better way of saying that is it is okay to let someone add happiness to your life. Annnddddd this is where I am horrible about taking my own advice, because although I know and believe what I just said to be true, applying it is a whole new ball game. {A ball game I'm really bad at...like last-one-picked-for-teams-in-middle-school-P.E.-class bad}

*pretends to not have a heart*
*strikes a pose like Sassy is my middle name*

I struggle with being too guarded and I struggle with being too open. My first go to defense mechanism is to be sassy, sarcastic, and a total smart ass, because well 1. that is just who I am and I don't think I could change that about myself and 2. if I don't show my cards, if I don't show my real feelings there's a much smaller chance of getting hurt because I can just play it off like it never really mattered in the first place. Then there is this other side of me, the side you are all reading about right now. The side that will spill my guts, my deepest feelings, my darkest secrets all in hopes of the chance it may relate to or help someone else out there. Despite my sometimes {okay, okay...more often than not} sassy nature I really do care, usually too deeply, too quickly. I long to be able to show and tell someone that I truly care about them and would do anything in the world for them, that I don't want them to walk out of my life when things get rocky, that I do want to see them any chance I have, that I do want to let them in and be vulnerable, that I do want them to make me feel like a priority. But I don't know how. I don't know how to go about that in a way that doesn't make me seem like the clingy, crazy girl when in all reality I'm just genuine. I don't know how to go about that in a way that isn't going to freak some poor guy out and send him packing. Only because just that has happened time and time again before. And you know what I would tell my best friend in this situation? I'd say, "Go for it! Take that leap of faith and give it a try. If he takes off running then he didn't deserve you or your caring heart, but the right one will. It'll hurt but you'll survive, move on, and be better for it. But if he reciprocates then it was worth the risk after all." But of course I can't do that, what do I do instead? Default to my sassy, smart ass ways hoping he'll make the first move (and maybe the second and third because ya know, reassurance is nice) so I don't have to.

So to all the gals and guys out there with the tough exterior and (fake) it ain't no thang but a chicken wang it never really mattered anyways outward attitude, but with the hopeless romantic soul and heart so big it might burst any second, you're not alone. You've got me and I'm going to venture out there and say a lot more like us too. "You can never have too much happy." and don't you forget it. If I could muster up the courage to be vulnerable before, I can do it again and so can you. So keep up that funny, sarcastic, witty personality of yours, but don't ever let it mask your heart of gold completely, and I'll do the same. I bet ya there's a lot more people out there yearning to see our softer and more vulnerable side than we realize, we've just got to give them the chance.

Stay sassy, classy, and a bit smart assy my friends. But don't be afraid to show off that big ol' heart of yours You never know who might be searching for it. ♥ XOXO -Riss